Antisocial Personality Disorder - No remorse

What is Antisocial Personality Disorder?

When a person is diagnosed with Antisocial Personality Disorder it means that a professional has determined that they have an ongoing pattern of manipulating, exploiting, or violating the rights of others.  In general, Personality Disorders are ways that clinicians diagnose Personality patterns that are pervasive and inflexible, they represent distorted ways in which the person perceives themselves, others and the world.  With an Antisocial Personality Disorder diagnosis, a clinician is saying clearly that this person has a blatant disregard for other people and that they repeatedly violate the rights of others through things they say, things they do and the choices they make. People with Antisocial Personality Disorder have an impoverished moral sense or conscience, they are beyond just missing a "sensitivity chip" they are calculated, cold,  intending to harm and intending to get away with the harm they cause.  These are people who don’t care about anyone truly unless someone is able to further their pathetic manipulation of others.  Once generally thought of to be behavior exclusively of criminals the diagnosis has evolved to be a predominantly immoral personality that can impact anyone and be found anywhere.  On the surface they may actually appear quite normal, pleasant, even socially appropriate, but underneath that facade is a person who on a daily basis is engaging in thoughts, feelings and/or activities that most people would find morally repugnant.

These people are violent, deceptive and greedy.  They seek out others only for their own benefit and have little to no empathy for the quality of others lives unless their presence serves them.

The symptoms (or Characteristic Behaviors) for Antisocial Personality Disorder (ASPD) consists of the majority of the following:

•  Failure to conform to social norms with respect to lawful behaviors as indicated by repeatedly performing acts that are grounds for arrest.
• The traditional method for diagnosis relied heavily on identifying that the person had an actual arrest history as the diagnosis is contingent on a person meeting the criteria for Conduct Disorder with a childhood onset or an adolescent onset *. However most clinicians  today recognize that it is far more important to do an extensive history that includes but is not limited to: interpersonal relationships (social, sexual, peer, and family),  education history, interaction with authorities, drug use, experience with animals, work experience and general method of navigating conflict, to assess whether the person failed to conform to social norms with regards to lawful behavior.  People behave in illegal and immoral ways every day.  The significance as to whether or not they were caught or held responsible by others has become irrelevant for assessment. 

• Deceitfulness, as indicated by repeated lying, use of aliases, or conning others for personal profit or pleasure.
• Deceitfulness can be demonstrated in many forms.  The concept of lying excessively even if just to make it appear to others that one is a better person than they are is an Antisocial Personality trait. We all want others to think well of us, but people with ASPD are excessively deceitful and their lies are purposeful and without remorse. They are almost unable to be authentic in any manner as their entire methodology of navigating the world is orchestrated by the desire to not allow anyone to know their true self.  They take great pleasure in lying to others so much so that the act of lying becomes more common than telling the truth.  They are highly skilled at deception. In times where the person must achieve a goal their lying becomes so profuse and frequently so convincing that others around them can't imagine that they are possibly untruthful.  They lie with conviction.  They lie to who they know will accept their lies.  They lie to anyone they need to fulfill whatever scenario they want others to accept.  Part of their lying has a Narcissistic basis.  While some with ASPD will appear not to care about others opinions at all, the vast majority have overlapping Narcissism and their lies are heavily expelled in order to force others to see them in a good light. In Antisocial Personality Disorder, we see people who are frequently conning others.  The con itself is pleasurable and the outcome of the con usually profitable be it by money, status, or acceptance. These are the  men and women who kill their spouses or hide multiple spouses, the financial analysts and brokers who scam innocent people into relinquishing their nest eggs, these are the children who manipulate their elderly parents for extensive inheritances, and the people who run from the law, run from responsibility and run from anything that might connect them personally to the horrible acts they have participated in.

• Impulsivity or failure to plan ahead.
• People with Antisocial Personality Disorder are impulsive.  They do things and say things without giving thorough thought as to what the consequences will be and that is because they do not care about consequences.  In their mind they will be able to escape consequences.  Traditionally, people with ASPD do have the ability to execute master plans but they have difficulty evaluating the long term affects of their plan.  They care greatly about short term gain and if they can achieve long term it would be celebrated but in general it is a moment by moment decision of satisfaction.  They are the criminals we as a society know all too well  but they are also the neighbors who hide many secrets.  While it is stated that they do not plan ahead, this is meant to refer to the person being unable to curb impulses when in the moment, not necessarily to drifters or gypsy like personalities whom strategic planning is a challenge.    An impulsive crime may be pursued but they lack awareness that this might lead to a potential life in jail sentence.  An impulsive abandonment may be made but they lack an awareness of the experience they might have if it means a potential lifetime without that person.  An impulsive walk out of place of employment may feel satisfying and empowering but they lack an awareness that this might lead to financial ruin, loss of a home or even a record on their resume.  In short, they make impulsive decisions frequently done in anger and fail to execute the thought one needs to insure the decision does not result in long term undesired effects.

• Irritability and aggressiveness, as indicated by repeated physical fights or assaults.
• People with Antisocial Personality Disorder are aggressive physically.  They tend to engage in violence when words would do, tend to yell, when discussion could occur and they tend to feel incredibly entitled to be abusive with whomever they choose whenever they choose.  They lack a certain emotional intelligence and rely on primitive ways to handle their frustrations.  Differences in gender and age impact how a person with ASPD expresses this criterion as well as time of onset as those with adolescent onset* show a marked decrease in traditional violence symptoms but can frequently develop into more aggressive people later in life.  Alternatively, some people tend to get more withdrawn and irritable later in life perhaps because they lack the physical ability to express their frustrations as they had in the past.  They are moody people who put on great facades with many people but internally are like a volcano ready to erupt at any moment.

• Reckless disregard for safety of self or others.
• With Antisocial Personality Disorder, a person takes what they want when they want without regard for how their actions may harm themselves or others.  The covet the prize and dismiss the body counts. Like the Narcissist, they care mostly for themselves and will go out of their way to insure their needs are met (which involve the safety of their lives: stability, financial security, status, etc.).  This particular criteria is not about the Antisocial displaying a disregard for their personal safety, it is simply a safety for themselves to not receive negative punishment. These are the pathological criminals who commit first-degree murder  because their rage at the victim is simply overwhelming but they are also the arrogant drug dealer who justifies the lives he/she ruins or the teacher who takes sexual advantage of a student and even the family members who allow atrocities to occur against one another in order to protect their own interpersonal standing and security.  They are innately cowards and if at all possible will delegate out their antisocial acts, but if they must put others at risk (physical, emotional, financial, etc.) they will gladly do so while justifying their behavior.  They are thrill seekers people who use others for their thrills. They are the people who can damage lives without regard to how it will affect those who care about them.  They are entitled, massively entitled to do what they want and to whomever they want.

•  Consistent irresponsibility, as indicated by repeated failure to sustain consistent work behavior or honor financial obligations. 
• Because people with Antisocial Personality Disorder ultimately lack impulse control, they are highly irresponsible and will be reckless with their work and financial obligations. People with this criteria again have a large overlap with Narcissistic Personality Disorder.  They have a tremendous lack of gratitude, strong sense of entitlement and no remorse when they have taken advantage of others kind nature. The irresponsibility they demonstrate can be seen early on as they believe they are deserving of more, angry that others are withholding, and this inner rage of entitlement allows them to be reckless usually knowing that there will be some poor sucker coming their way that they can manipulate into saving them.  Many of them tend to move from job to job but mostly because they cause ruin within their employment and can easily be fired. Those who decide to go into their own business frequently find naive benefactors who they can repeatedly scam with lies into continuing to support them.  Those that try it completely on their own may be the type who move from house to house, city to city, carefully and purposefully manipulating others and staying one foot ahead of anyone trying to catch them.

• Lack of remorse, as indicated by being indifferent to or rationalizing. 
• Because of their very low or absent capacity for remorse, individuals with ASPD often lack sufficient motivation and fail to see the costs associated with antisocial acts. They may only artificially simulate the expressions of remorse rather than truly experience remorse: they can be seductively charming and dishonest, and may manipulate those around them in order to maintain their trust so that they can continue their antisocial acts.  Like the Narcissist, people with Antisocial Personalities are obsessed only with themselves and are willing to do anything necessary to maintain the idealized image they have presented. One of the absolute hallmarks in Antisocial Personality Disorder is a lack of remorse and a very obvious response of indifference or rationalization.  In a true psychopath, there is this almost tangible indifference to others even when grave harm has occurred as a result of their actions.  In others who are less criminal but equally pathological, they care greatly about how other people perceive them which leads them to take great steps to insure that others will not become aware of their behavior.  These particular people rationalize their horrid acts.  You will frequently hear benign comments such as “they made me do it” to overt lies suggesting acts never occurred.  They tend to apply a plethora of defensive mechanisms to maintain a space between their actions and those behaviors they want people to believe. They always have a story and it is never based truly in reason or fact. They take advantage of the fact that people do not want to believe in evil and will choose to accept good if it is presented as a possibility. An astute person will notice their rationalization and not find it a possibility.  For these people, the wrath of the Antisocial Person can be filled with hate, revenge and attempts to annihilate.   It doesn’t matter if they are rationalizing their drunken fist fight, stealing money, hitting a sibling or abandoning their grandchild, these people will always have an excuse.

• It has an onset in adolescence or early adulthood, is stable over time, and leads to personal distress or impairment and impacts those around them. 
• The modern clinician knows that a person with Antisocial Personality Disorder is no longer exclusively the career criminal. This, like all personality disorders, are seen now more on a spectrum with the most significantly pathological being the emotionally barren mass murderer to the quite neighbor who happens to take secret pleasure in terrorizing their family. We look for signs in childhood that would reveal the most significant pathology.  In those children under 10 who demonstrate pathology it is almost certain that they have been victims of severe child abuse, however in older children, we see a shift in personality where an adolescent isn't fitting in quite well. They may isolate themselves in groups or be loners. But there is an attitude towards the world that is defiant and entitled.  There may be elevated expectations from the child to parents or peers, or the start of deviant liar for status or monetary gain. In adulthood, when a clinician may not be told the accurate childhood history, we look for overt signs of manipulation, a detachment from things that normally would breed attachment and a lack of empathy or remorse for situations or people whom they may have harmed or conned.   When we evaluate the person for the criteria and they meet it, a clinician will tend to start digging deeper and see the many ways they may have masked their true Antisocial Nature.

* In Antisocial Personality Disorder with Adolescent-Onset, one will not see any criteria characteristic of Conduct Disorder prior to age 10.   These children, or young adults as they should be called, tend to have substantially less or no aggressive behaviors and more normative peer relationships.  However, in the company of others such as family, school authorities and friends, they frequently display distinct qualities that can be quite subtle and overlooked.  They will be more manipulative than violent and more societal appropriate than deviant.  The range in this group can be enormous. A distinction for this subtype compared to the Childhood-Onset subtype is that they are more directly influenced by life experiences.  During adolescence, this subtype will evolve and alter in motivation and may not even develop Antisocial Personality Disorder but merely the spectrum characteristics whereas the Childhood-Onset maintains a similar motivation from childhood to adulthood and without intervention is almost certain to develop Antisocial Personality Disorder.

Personality functioning manifest by:

The following explain the areas of functioning impacted by a person with Antisocial Personality Disorder.

      Impairments in self functioning:

       * Identity:    Ego-centrism; self-esteem derived from personal gain, power, or pleasure.

       *Self-direction: Goal-setting based on personal gratification; absence of prosocial internal standards              

Impairments in interpersonal functioning:

*Lack Empathy-Lack of concern for feelings and/or the needs or suffering of others. Lack of remorse after mistreatment or hurting another.

*Lack of true intimacy - use of others to exploit, use of deceit and coercion, use of domination to control others

a.             Pathological personality traits in the following domains:

*Antagonism - Manipulativeness: Frequent use of subterfuge to influence or control others; use of seduction, charm, glibness, or ingratiation to achieve one„s ends.

*Deceitfulness: Dishonesty and fraudulence; misrepresentation of self; embellishment or fabrication when relating events.

*Callousness: Lack of concern for feelings or problems of others; lack of guilt or remorse about the negative or harmful effects of one„s actions on others; aggression; sadism.

*Hostility: Persistent or frequent angry feelings; anger or irritability in response to minor slights and insults; mean, nasty, or vengeful behavior.

Disinhibition, characterized by:

*Irresponsibility: Disregard for – and failure to honor – financial and other obligations or commitments; lack of respect for – and lack of follow through on – agreements and promises.

*Impulsivity: Acting on the spur of the moment in response to immediate stimuli; acting on a momentary basis without a plan or consideration of outcomes; difficulty establishing and following plans.

The International Classification of Disease  ICD-10

    Has a diagnosis called Dissocial Personality disorder.  

      This is an overlap of Antisocial Personality Disorder with some  elements of Narcissistic Personality traits.  It falls under a medical diagnosis and serves as a means to describe people who at their core do not feel responsible for their actions. Although traditional diagnosis of Mental disorders have fallen under the realm of DSM et al., this allowance for a medical diagnosis offers a broader charcterization of the disirder and could provide complimentary medical assessment as the diagnoses evolves.

         It is characterized by at least 3 of the following:

Callous unconcern for the feelings of others;

Gross and persistent attitude of irresponsibility and disregard for social norms, rules, and obligations.

Incapacity to maintain enduring relationships, though having no difficulty in establishing them.

Very low tolerance to frustration and a low threshold for discharge of aggression including but not limited to violence

Incapacity to experience guilt, any real sense of true remorse and have a failure to profit from experience, particularly punishment.

Marked readiness to blame others or to offer plausible rationalizations for the behavior that has brought the person into conflict with society or others.

The ICD states that this diagnosis includes:
 "amoral, antisocial, asocial, psychopathic, and sociopathic personality". 

I've seen this and I cannot agree more with the description.

(All rights reserved. January 27, 2014)

All items within personal blog The Narcissism of Violence by Cheryl Prevor Psy.D. is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution-NonCommercial-NoDerivatives 4.0 International License. Based on a work at http://thenarcissismofviolence.blogspot.com.

Narcissistic Personality Disorder

Narcissistic Personality Disorder is: A pervasive pattern of grandiosity (in fantasy or behavior), need for admiration, and lack of empathy, beginning by early adulthood and present in a variety of contexts, as indicated by five (or more) of the following: 

1) Has a grandiose sense of self-importance (i.e., exaggerates achievements and talents, expects to be recognized as superior without commensurate achievements).

Didn't you get the memo?  These people are very important and they believe this is true regardless if they are utterly normal or even deficient. People with NPD frequently take small elements of truth and present them to others with an exaggerated sense of importance. The “hill” they climb becomes a mountain with treacherous elements, the “call” they take is “critical” to a company survival, the position they have so special no one else could possibly take on such a task etc. Everything they do is based on things appearing very important and those around them must understand and adapt to the demands of their important lives. People love them, people need them, people can't survive without them. This is what they tell themselves and likely you if you'll listen. While they will frequently listen intently to whatever you say sooner or later they emerge in the conversation presenting themselves with greater social or business contacts, quoting some obscure author, or placing themselves just a notch above you and whatever you might be an expert in.  They are the pontificators, the braggers, the people who place themselves in situations and do everything possible to create a sense that they appear to others as irreplaceable.  They are important and if you do not see that it just illuminates your own lack of importance.                                                                                                 

2) Is preoccupied with fantasies of unlimited success, power, brilliance, beauty, or ideal love. 

When one looks in the mirror what does one see? For the Narcissist it doesn’t matter what is in front of them, their mind is focused exclusively on the fantasy of who they believe they are. But fantasies of the inner mind can only carry them so far so they become preoccupied with what they can obtain to present to the world their success, brilliance, beauty and ultimate goodness and worth. If they believe marriage and parenthood will fit the model for the world they want to participate in, they will marry and breed. If it is a luxurious home they covet, they will scam, steal or borrow all in an effort to present the perfect image of success. If it is financial success, they will lie, cheat and steal their way to obtain money or insure that they are latched onto others who will fuel their financial presentation to the world and of course fail to acknowledge the significant contributions for that would only ruin their carefully crafted facade.  If they long for fame, they will seek opportunities that either create fame or attach themselves to those that have achieved fame, whatever is easiest and they will do so with full investment that they are deserving of such acclaim. While the majority of us long for glorified and satisfying lives, it is the methodology of the Narcissist that makes this quest unique. Simple hard work and dedication is never the answer, nor is honest reflection and selfless giving. Instead they meticulously study the world and the people in it and in their navigation they identify key people they must target in hopes of using their charm, intellect and powerful manipulation skills to gain easy access. For the Narcissist must excel or at least appear to have achieved for without that mirage they become haunted by their fears of inadequacy. Additionally, and unlike most, the Narcissist holds little value in people or things that no longer serve them. Like a drug addict, if a new high is attractive, they will have little difficulty removing themselves from prior connections and quickly and completely enmeshing themselves into the next coveted goal.

3) Believes that he or she is “special” and unique and can only be understood by, or should associate with, other special or high-status people (or institutions).

Ah.. the suffering of the Narcissist, to be so great, so talented, and so smart in a world with such morons must be horrible. It pains them deeply and is considered an utter waste of time for them to consider interacting with those of "lower status." Oh they will do it, especially if doing so will bring admiration and personal benefit but otherwise they simply cannot be bothered with such nonsense. Only those that are considered by the Narcissist to be equally “special” can truly understand the challenges of the Narcissist.  The development of this inflated false sense of self has many facets. Some theorists suggest that the Narcissist develops this perception through indulgent parenting, excessive praise, and enabling behaviors that are void of repercussions. Others look upon the Narcissist as a very angry child who has never grown up. Living in a perpetual state of repressing tantrums, they resent that their parents or "loved ones" did not see their brilliance and are infuriated by the belief that their parents or "loved ones" would not accept their true selves. As a result, they engage in constant manipulation of seeking others approval but internally experience a sense of satisfaction in their ability to fool. And because they feel so important (or need to feel this way) they expect you to feel the same and if you don’t, you will be devalued, dismissed and abandoned if not utterly destroyed. This total destruction to the Narcissist is justified for they are so special and so unique that they simply cannot risk you interfering with their greatness and will not risk you exposing their facade.                                                                                                                                            

4) Requires excessive admiration.

For the true Narcissist, a kind gesture is not worth doing unless of course it can be publicly noticed and recognition given. To maximize this effect they will overtly seek out opportunities that might appear as humanistic to the “average” person in order to gain entry into situations that bring public admiration. They may give to charity, but only if their name is printed or it comes with an invitation to an exclusive event offered only to those who donate the most.  They may help an old woman across the street but only if people are watching or they could write about it so that others would know.  They may even find some joy doing general acts of kindness but others must know the personal difficulty their "loving" efforts cost them for it is only in the appreciation and admiration of others that they find the most pleasure. The Narcissist needs and demands your admiration for without it they internally cease to exist and if it is a choice between their death OR yours, you will most certainly need to be annihilated. To be in their world you must think that he or she is the most brilliant, most skilled, most compassionate, and most loving successful person you have ever met so they will surround themselves only with those that either think that way and can enhance their idealized image of self OR you must be someone they can admire and thus become admired through association. Otherwise your existence is pointless and frankly dangerous. Narcissists take great lengths to insure a constant supply of admiration by carefully dealing with those they quickly identify to not admire them.  First, they will lie, devalue, manipulate and/or attempt to cause ruin to anyone who may suspect their inadequacies and pathological manipulations. If you doubt them, consider yourself dead. If you don’t need them, consider yourself on a ledge waiting to be pushed. Second, in knowing who doesn’t admire them they act fast and attempt to insure that any admirers they have end up devaluing and distrusting the people who could expose them. It's all very urgent and dramatic for how else could they force someone to form negative opinions if given time to truly think things through? All people are merely pawns in their constant goal of maintaining a homeostasis of admiration. One would suspect that Narcissists would only marry a spouse “worthy” of their own admiration but studies show that couldn’t be further from the truth.  Research suggests that self-hating Narcissists often mate with people unworthy of respect.  These may be negative people, untrustworthy, unattractive, unkind or unsuccessful. In fact many choose partners who express their own lack of respect of the Narcissist to anyone who will listen.  Why would a Narcissist choose such a seemingly undesirable partner who on the surface couldn’t possibly enhance their Narcissistic image? Choosing an unappealing partner breeds empathy from others, they get to feel like the victim and in choosing a “less than” person, the Narcissist ultimately appears “better” to those “more important” to them.                     

5) Has a sense of entitlement (i.e., has unreasonable expectations of especially favorable treatment or automatic compliance with his or her expectations).

The sense of entitlement in the Narcissist is one of the most pervasive and ugly characteristics because having a sense of overinflated entitlement along with a lack of empathy (criteria #7) create a true and dangerous overlap with Anti-Social Personality Disorder.  In order to feel entitled, you ultimately must feel as though you are better than others.  You must genuinely believe you have a right to some benefit regardless of any suffering or cost another will experience to provide you with that reward of giving into your demands. To feel this, one needs a sense of over importance above others. People, regardless if one is a stranger, family or friend are not seen as true and equal human beings but rather objects the Narcissist deserves to use at their leisure to meet their needs. These cold, calculated, and often unreasonable expectations are prominent in all aspects of the Narcissists lives, You may see it in the bratty child, the demanding adult in the restaurant, the violent sibling who doesn’t feel remorse or in the spouse who ignores his or her family because they have more important things to do.  A true Narcissist will display all of the above but in their most pathological moments they are far more nefarious in their expectations – and far more subtle. At the crux of the sense of entitlement is a narcissistic rage where the object expected to provide the reward, is seen as someone who owes them and owes them big time.  If you are the target of Narcissistic entitlement expectations, at some point the Narcissist perceives you harmed them in such a deep profound way that they truly believe they are completely justified to demand from you a life long reimbursement for the torment you or someone like you has caused them. How they choose to do this is through a plethora of exploitative acts but the underlying issue of entitlement is the same.  You have wronged them and they will make you pay.                                                                                                         

6) Is interpersonally exploitative (i.e., takes advantage of others to achieve his or her own ends).

A Narcissist deeply longs for absolute control over all people and all situations.  Without that control they feel exposed, internally chaotic and moderately depressed. To achieve a constant state of control the Narcissist must constantly manipulate their environment and those in it to sustain their goals and keep the facade of perfection going. These are the bosses that gain power through subtle threats and devaluation, they are the scientists who manipulate data to seize status and monetary grants, they are the grown children who keep their wealthy parents frail and helpless and the spouses who disregard marital vows just because they can. Narcissists exploit others for their own gain with complete disregard for others. But the act of being interpersonally exploitative without making people run away is an art form perfected by the Narcissist although certainly the more naive and needy are prone to the most exploitation.  To achieve success Narcissists rely heavily on intellect and a hyper-vigilance to people’s vulnerabilities. They know they can’t overtly demand and expect you to meet their needs. They understand that for you to give them something, they must provide something for you. Instead of forming mutually honest and supportive relationships they use their intellect to deceive you, studying your weak spots so that they can carefully calculate to take advantage of your vulnerabilities.  Many place themselves in seemingly generous positions to evoke your sense of gratitude.  Others utilize power struggles as a means to keep you down. But they never take their eye off the prize: Keep your admiration and dependency of them going. To obtain such entitlement rewards Narcissists often rely on a type of defense mechanism called Reaction Formation whereby unacceptable, anxiety-causing emotions or impulses are masked by an exaggerated version of the opposite emotions or impulses. Where they actually feel utter hate, they pontificate profusely about the love they feel for you.  Where a desire to leave you dying would be unacceptable, they launch into public tirades of being the good friend or child who would give up their life to care for you when you are ill. If telling you the truth would destroy their goal, they will lie obsessively and then if caught claim they merely tried to protect you.  When the Narcissist wants something all you need to do is notice the magnified expressions or acts, otherwise… the Narcissist really couldn’t give a damn.                                                                                                                                     

7) Lacks empathy (is unwilling and unable to recognize or identify with the feelings and needs of others).

Imagine a person who is void of caring about or remotely understanding your feelings or those of others? Imagine that someone presenting completely the opposite, someone who goes out of their way to make it seem as though your feelings and experiences are the most important thing to them but all the while consciously and frankly with malice are doing and saying things they are fully aware to be fraudulent and lacking authenticity? This is the Narcissist without empathy and every day you are likely staring one in the face as they lead you down a path of manipulation. Some of them even believe their facade of feelings as they have become master’s at mirroring what is described as “emotional empathy.”  In “emotional empathy” a person actually has the capacity to respond to another with an appropriate emotion to another person’s mental state.  But in the Narcissist, this isn’t an organic expression, instead they have learned after years and years of watching others how to present what they have seen to be an appropriate response.  They shake their head, pierce their lips, maybe they hold their breath and tense their brow to mimic sadness but they lack true sadness except for themselves. The expression of empathy is used instead as a means to manipulate others to make it appear as though they genuinely care or they may make statements about another’s state of misery but if you notice carefully they are always the person rescuing the weaker soul.  Why? Because the Narcissist has a greater goal and that is to have their needs met be it admiration, acceptance, rewards or rewards. They like rewards, they like secondary gains.  There is no such thing as true selflessness for the Narcissist. If the Narcissist can make you truly believe that they care for you and have your best interest at heart they know that they already own a piece of you and you will owe them in return bringing everything back to entitlement. The most frightening thing about the Narcissists lack of empathy is that within their failure to see you or others you care about as true human beings of value, an overt lack of empathy is established and this ultimately gives birth to a total lack of remorse. The combination of a lack of empathy, a lack of remorse and utter entitlement are hallmark characteristics of Antisocial Personality.  Without the ability to identify, understand or most importantly care about another’s experience one becomes void of compassion and responsibility. Without these experiences the Narcissist is simply a hungry wild animal and you merely a potential dinner.                                      

8) Is often envious of others or believes others are envious of him or her.

Pity the person who is smarter, richer, better looking, more admired or more loved than the Narcissist and you will see a person the Narcissist has consciously taken steps to annihilate, devalue or dismiss completely. Narcissist cannot tolerate others who have more than them. You are not allowed to be better, smarter or more successful and in fact you doing so is perceived as a harm to them for which you are now responsible for repentance. But this envy doesn’t even start with petty jealousy over someone’s looks or the beauty of their home, for the Narcissist it is actually your internal happiness that they are most envious of for deep inside them is an angry, dissatisfied, ugliness that cannot truly be satiated by material things or even personal success. They are like a tremendous empty vat that can never be filled and they hold you responsible for that too.  You didn’t do enough to help them fill their emptiness. Additionally envy goes the other way.  In what is actually one of the stranger phenomenons of the disorder a significant portion of Narcissists internalize this deep seeded envy of others and through projection believe sincerely that others are envious of them.  The overt effort they will put forth to convince the world that they are surrounded by those that are envious of them is astounding. It is as if when faced with a moment where perhaps another demonstrates a greater strength than them they twist it around and verbosely demand that you equally see them as special and preferably more special.  The irony is that many Narcissists have indeed succeeded in many things. They are frequently quite bright and gravitate towards things they can excel in.  But what they cannot tolerate is the plethora of things they do not excel at.  They must at all times be the experts or “the best” in all matters even if there is absolutely nothing in their intellect, experience or profession that warrants such recognition. The envy of the Narcissist is pathological.  It is a deep-rooted chronic envy that permeates everything they do in life.                                                             

9) Shows arrogant, haughty behaviors or attitudes.

Loud, boisterous and always utterly self absorbed, the Narcissist is always engaging in acts and attitudes that are larger than life. Like vampires they use others to suck the life force out and feed their hunger for an image they can't truly experience.  They have a very specific perspective that guides them to carefully stage the scene in which only they could find themselves in, because they are special, and better, and frankly annoyed that you haven't understood their greatness yet. They are the guests at the party who maintain eye contact but distance, whom shake your hand firmly followed by a carefully worded compliment so that you will be tricked into thinking they like you.  They are the characters shaking their head knowingly and seriously or the guest that will chuckle at your joke always certain to follow up with a slight dig at your silliness. They are outsiders, observers, people who demand to be seen but prefer to assess. Depending on their comfort with working the crowd they will adjust themselves accordingly. Through their arrogance, the Narcissist illuminates that they are a legend in their own mind. The things they say are not meant as discussion.  There is no true communication with a Narcissist.  Oh they might listen briefly while you relay your silly little words but when it is their chance get ready to be spoken at.  They are the preachers, the lecturers, the guides.  They are the people who use words specifically to test your vocabulary or say obscure references they memorized to impress just in case a moment such as this one arose. Be very clear they are saying, they are different than you and surely if you listen enough you will learn all that you lazily forgot to comprehend in your silly little life. Being a Narcissist means you have excelled in condescending attitudes 101, no one takes greater pleasure at issuing subtle insults than a Narcissist. The soon to be widow is kept in his or her "frail" state, "incapable" of engaging or "intellectually less capable" so that the Narcissist can naturally step in and be the hero. The “little woman” at home doesn’t have true value, she is merely a housewife caring for children, “How difficult could it be” they will laugh “with a 24-hour  nanny.” Ha ha ha ha. That colleague who won the award the Narcissist was applying for was merely a lucky chap because the Narcissist had been engaged in other important things and simply didn’t have time to focus on such nonsense as the Pulitzer Prize. Interestingly, the Narcissist will almost consistently see his or her children in a very extreme way, they are reflections of the Narcissist, all the good and all the evil.  If they mirror the Narcissist, they are a genius certain to attend Harvard or if they expose the Narcissists deficits, they are incompetent fools who of course have a formal diagnosis by a very important physician for whom the Narcissist jumped ahead of the wait list and paid a ridiculous sum of money...  Who you are and how you are seen is ultimately based on the value you hold for the narcissist. If you are willing to close your eyes, not apply common sense, cheer them on while they blunder, welcome. Glad to have you.  But if you look clearly, recognize that there is something seriously amiss with these arrogant haughty behaviors, and are interested in silly things like personal opinions and free will, be ready for termination, because it's coming.   (All rights reserved. January 23, 2014)

All items within personal blog The Narcissism of Violence by Cheryl Prevor Psy.D. is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution-NonCommercial-NoDerivatives 4.0 International License. Based on a work at http://thenarcissismofviolence.blogspot.com.